Friday, December 31, 2010

Divorce Joe Francis

Once upon a time, there was a man with an idea for a business venture:  make and sell videos of women’s boobs.  Elegant simplicity at its best, no?  But how can one make a booby video when one lacks the lavish budget of a porn company?  Well, one must do away with the frills.  No sound stage.  No special cameras or lights.  Most of all, no paid talent.  What’s an enterprising young man with a dream to do?  Why, go where the boobies are, of course!

And that’s just what Joe Francis did.  He took his personal video recorder to places where women would be most inclined to show off their boobs for free:  beach locales during Spring Break, where the alcohol flows, the hormones rage, and mature judgment has fled the premises.

The American free enterprise system at its best!

Joe made a veritable mint from his endeavor, making friends along the way with celebrities like Quincy Jones, the Kardashians, and young Christina McLarty, an entertainment correspondent for the local CBS outpost.  Joe and Christina dated on and off for four years.  Much of that time, Joe was battling criminal charges like racketeering, drug trafficking, child pornography, record keeping violations, bribery, possession of a controlled substance, introducing contraband into jail, child abuse, and prostitution.  In all, he served 339 days.  Once he was out, he proposed to Christina in Saint-Tropez, and they said their vows in Mexico in November.  And here it is December, and Christina has left Joe and moved back in with her mother!

If this were 1950, we’d call it a “lover’s spat” and look on fondly and nostalgically.

But these are the final hours of 2010.  A bride who leaves her husband after a four-year relationship must have something else going on.  Christina reminds me of Paula Barbieri.  Remember her?  She’s the lovely lady who waited for over a year to welcome O.J. Simpson home once he was acquitted on charges of murdering his wife and her friend.  But soon after O.J. got home, they broke up.  Christina and Joe have the same thing going on.  While Joe was in jail, Christina could construct an elaborate image of him as the brave entrepreneur trying to make an honest fortune in an industry of insiders and power moguls who resent his youthful good looks and inventiveness.  (Another thing Ms. McLarty and Ms. Barbieri have in common:  the privilege of living in their rich boyfriends’ posh homes during said boyfriends’ incarceration.)  Once married, she was forced to square that image with the jaw dropping narcissism of the man behind Meet Joe Francis.

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