Friday, December 31, 2010

The Decade’s 7 Most Shocking Breakups

1.  Elizabeth Hurley and Hugh Grant (2000)
These two beautiful people led a charmed life the rest of us could only dream of.  Then came Hugh’s arrest, and it occurred to us that all might not be as perfect as it seemed.  Given the outcomes of her subsequent romances, one assumes that poor Liz is a demon at the poker table.

2.  Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman (2001)
Less of an ideal match than Liz and Hugh (in height if nothing else!), these two seemed to settle into a strong union.  Nicole’s cinematic successes helped them overcome the rumors that she was using him as her ticket to fame.  They adopted two children and seemed to be setting up a family to envy.  Then Tom met Penelope Cruz while filming Vanilla Sky, and it was all over.  Those who had previously slandered Nicole now admired the bravery and grace with which she endured her broken heart.

3.  Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake (2002)

Given their age when they met, it would have been far more shocking for them to get (and stay) married.  However, they gave off that vibe that said they’d be together forever.  And certainly Britney’s public declaration that she was saving herself for marriage (itself somewhat shocking) amplified the vibe.  Learning that Brit and Justin had actually done the deed was not as shocking as learning that Britney was the one with the wandering eye.

4.  Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt (2005)
Elizabeth Hurley and Hugh Grant, only more so!  After all, these two beautiful people got married.  And it was a match made in heaven.  Who knew Brad could be seduced away by S&M and PB&J?

5.  Susan Sarandon and Tim Roth (2009)
They were an institution of unmarried partnership.  Sharing their love and their liberal values everywhere they went.  They had been together so long, they had aged out of our breakup forecasts.  Fear not!  We secured highly paid consultants to re-calibrate the model to account for this phenomenon.  And boy aren’t we grateful for that investment (see below)!

6.  John and Elizabeth Edwards (2010)
OK.  It’s not that anyone is shocked to hear that when a man gets his mistress pregnant, and films a sex tape of the two of them, that his wife will consider leaving him.  What’s shocking here instead is John’s sheer brazenness in impregnating said mistress in the midst of a presidential nomination campaign.  While his wife was hiding her breast cancer in order to represent him on the campaign trail.  “Shock” just skims the surface of how we reacted to that hot mess.

7.  Al and Tipper Gore (2010)
As mentioned above, we had a bit of a heads up on this one after we fine-tuned our forecasting model in the wake of the Sarandon-Roth fiasco.  But just by a hair.  Oddly, no credible rumors of infidelity or illegality have arisen to account for the split.  Time will tell, I suppose.

Well, that’s our list of shocking breakups.  Who’s on your list?

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1 comment:

Laura said...

Brad and Jennifer was the only one that surprised me. Pretty nasty of him to break up right after she had a miscarriage. Not to mention screwing someone else. What a slut and I mean him, not Angelina.