The following risk factors can threaten your chances of a happy marriage:
- Being a television actor. The travel and the mismatched schedules are hell on marital intimacy. People give you the “star treatment,” bombarding you with messages that you’re better than everyone else, and no one holds you accountable when you’re being an asshole. Ethics-challenged fans have no qualms about hooking up in the bathroom stall of a Miami club just for the chance to say they did it with a star. These things are not good for your marriage.
- Getting cancer. A bad diagnosis can prompt someone who thinks he won’t be around in a year to make rash decisions with life consequences. Meanwhile, treatment typically results in side effects that show you off at your worst: hair loss, incontinence, impotence. None of these things are romantic.
- Marrying your sister. Even when she’s a foster sister, it’s still gross.
- Being a serial killer. Strive as you might to be a serial killer with a heart of gold, it still has a destructive effect on your relationship. Lying about where you’ve been, hiding your bloody laundry, justifying credit card charges to pay for your surgical torture instruments. It’s got to take a toll!
Is it any wonder why Michael C. Hall and Jennifer Carpenter are calling it quits after a scant two years?