Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Wedding Wednesday: Katy Perry and Russell Brand
As any breakup analyst will tell you, you can’t just focus on the breakups. Weddings (and the consequent marriages) are the common denominator for the vast majority of breakups. Therefore, the breakup analyst who ignores the weddings does so at his or her own peril.
In recognition of that fact, Breakup Watch management has directed its unpaid interns to draft a new weekly feature: Wedding Wednesday. If it takes off, we’ll transition the responsibility from the interns to one of our salaried analysts.
Katy Perry and Russell Brand got married in India a few weeks ago. Instinctively, I want to root for these plucky kids. They’ve both got Jetta-to-Jeep stories that just warm the cockles of this unpaid intern’s heart. Katy, the forlorn daughter of California evangelists, grew up to represent the heretofore under-represented California Girls -- daisy dukes, bikini top, and all. Russell parlayed years of addiction and family setbacks into a lucrative comedy routine that serves him over and over in any media or performance (apparently).
But they have so many strikes against them. Most of all, Russell’s history of alcoholism, drug addiction, and sexual addiction. One can abstain from booze, joints, and needles and lead a happy successful life with a loving and understanding spouse. But abstain from inappropriate sexual stimulation with Katy Perry? Isn’t she sort of porn with clothes on? Certainly the frustration would drive a man to drink and/or shoot up. And so we’re right back where we started!
On the other hand, it appears that they both like kissing girls. So they have that in common.