Thursday, November 25, 2010

Thanksgiving: Top Ten Reasons to Be Thankful for Your Breakup

  1. Never having to welcome your deadbeat loser human sponge of a brother-in-law into your home again.  Ever.
  2. You can finally have seafood for dinner again.  Or vegetables, or food with a sauce, or whatever other totally normal food your picky ex couldn’t tolerate.  Which leads us to…
  3. More leftovers = YUM!  
  4. The kids will no longer be betting on what time the next fight starts.  Children should not be gambling!
  5. It’s your money, and you should be able to buy an iPhone if you want one.
  6. Your neighbor is single, good looking, and interested.
  7. Spending your weekend in an ESPN coma?  Sure!  Why the hell not?
  8. That non-conformist rebellion (and accompanying hairstyle) that you thought was so hot in high school?  Not so sexy now.
  9. No longer having to keep that dirty little secret:  your teeth whitening system.
  10. You can finally admit that he wasn’t acting like an asshole. He WAS an asshole!

Happy Thanksgiving!

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