Monday, January 17, 2011

It’s a Baby Boom!

It seems we are enjoying the fruits of a very prolific prolific season in Celebritopia this winter.    Consider this list of first-time mamas:  Natalie Portman, Jane Krakowski, Selma Blair, Pink, Mariah Carey, Christina Applegate, Penelope Cruz, Jewel, Alicia Silverstone.  And let’s not forget the sequel-lovers:  Kate Hudson and Victoria Beckham.

What happened late in 2010 to make all these women decide to finally become mothers?

We scanned CNN headlines of major news events in 2010 that might account for this population explosion and found nothing.  We knew we needed to start thinking “outside of the television set.”  What happened some time around the beginning of October 2010?  Of course!  It was us!, with its October 10 inaugural post, is responsible for all these celebrities becoming first time mothers!!!

But why?  Are they anxious to prove all our axioms wrong by forming a family unit that will endure (says them)?  Does our humor and insight lull them into irrational, unprotected sex?  Or do they harbor an unquenchable hope to one day make it into the hallowed entries of this young, yet auspicious blog?  (Lucky Natalie Portman has already scored a mention!)

Yeah, that’s probably it.  These women convinced and/or tricked their boyfriends and/or husbands to forego the usual condom/diaphragm/hormones/ritual sacrifice in order to conceive a human being as a first step in a spectacular relationship failure.  All because they hope to earn the special honor of being featured in Breakup Watch.  After all, nothing stresses a relationship out more than hosting a screaming, self-centered, illiterate, incoherent, incontinent houseguest who hangs on for 18 to 50 years. 

Good luck, ladies! 

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